Musings of the Reverend Meduri and Dr. Jackass
Experimentations in Literary Groin Punches
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
 
Excerpts from The Golden Apple by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson (pp.373-4):

"And a mile north, Peter Jackson, still trying to put together the July issue of Confrontation virtually singlehanded, dives into the slush pile (which is the magazine industry's elegant name for unsolicited mauscripts) and comes up with more fallout from the Moon-Malik AUM project of 1970. "Orthodox Science: The New Religion," he reads. Well, let's sample it, what the hell. Opening at random he finds:

Einstein's concept of spherical space, furthermore, suffers from the same defect as the concept of a smoothly or perfectly spherical earth: it rests upon the use of the irrational number, pi. This number has no operational definition; there is no place on any engineer's scale to which one can point and say "This is exactly pi," although these scales are misleadingly marked with such a spot. Pi, in fact, can never be found in the real world, and there are historical and archeological reasons to believe it was created by a Greek mathematician under the influence of the mind-warping hallucinogenic mushroom Amanita muscaria. It is pure surrealism. You cannot write pi as a real number; you can only approximate it, as 3.1417 ... etc. Chemistry knows no such units: three atoms of an element may combine with four atoms of another element, but you will never find pi atoms combining with anything. Quantum physics reveals that an electron may jump three units or four units, but it will no jump pi units. Nor is pi necessary to geometry, as is sometimes claimed; R. Buckminster Fuller has created an entire geometric system, at least as reliable as that of the ancient Greek dope fiends, in which pi does not appear at all. Space, then, may be slanted or kiltered in various ways, but it cannot be smoothly spherical...

"What the ring-tailed rambling hell?" Peter Jackson said aloud. He flipped to the end:

In conclusion, I want to thank a strange and uncommon man, James Mallison, who provided the spark which set me thinking about these matters. In fact, it was due to my meeting with Mr. Mallison that I sold my hardware business, returned to college and majored in cartography and topology. Although he was a religious fanatic (as I was at the time of our meeting) and would, therefore, not appreciate many of my discoveries, it is due to this man's perverse, peculiar and yet brilliant prodding that I embarked on the search which has lead to this new theory of a Pentahedroidal Universe.
-W. Clement Cotex, Ph.D

"Far fucking out," Peter muttered.

-DrJ
 
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